LOS ANGELES — Janet Jackson is opening up for the first time since her brother Michael died on June 25, admitting that his sudden death has led to her avoiding the daily news.
"It will drive you crazy," she tells Harper's Bazaar of the media frenzy surrounding the King of Pop. "People can have rhinoceros skin, but there's a point when something's going to hurt you. Not everyone is stone, stone. I haven't watched the news in weeks. I had to ask my chef, How's Obama doing? I haven't read a newspaper. On top of that, [we've lost] a family member."
Jackson was in Atlanta shooting Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married Too" when she received the fateful call about her brother. She immediately returned to Los Angeles to mourn with her family and continues to struggle with the reality that her brother is now gone.
"My brother is, I mean was..." says Jackson, struggling to discuss her brother's sense of style. "You have to forgive me, because it's really hard to believe he's passed."
"Mike was very simple," she continues. "When I was 14 years old, I would shop for him. I washed his clothes, cleaned his room. When Mother would go out of town, she'd say, 'I'm leaving you in charge. Take care of Mike.' I would head home from school, see what he needed, then go straight to the stores."
While her older sibling was already on top of the world at the time, Jackson laughs when she recalls how her brother beat up his soles back then.
"He loved to wear his shoes all the way down," she says. "His penny loafers would have huge holes in the bottom."
Jackson last saw her brother at a family gathering in May, which took place two days before her 43rd birthday.
"We had so much fun that day," she says. "We kept calling each other after and saying how great it was."
Jackson says that day summed up her brother's love for being silly and holding onto his child side.
"He loved to laugh," she says. "The last time we were together, he'd laugh so hard, he would just start crying. Sometimes his humor would be corny, sometimes dry. He loved the Three Stooges, he loved slapstick, he loved Eddie Murphy in his silly comedies. He loved to have fun. He loved to play."
A music icon herself, Jackson says she is holding up "okay," mainly by focusing on her career. In addition to her film work, she's busy recording material for her next studio album, due out next spring. Jackson says dealing with her brother's death has confirmed the strength she always wondered about having.
"I always wanted to have my mother's [Katherine Jackson] strength, but I didn't know if it was really there," she says. "But a few years back, something happened and I learned that I did."
"I'm not going to mention it, but we all know what it is," she continues. "And now, coming off all this, it's even beyond that. I was just focused on my job at that moment within my family."
"Now at least I know that I can step up to the plate and not crumble when I'm needed," Jackson adds. "When it comes to something like this that is so, so serious, so painful, so traumatic, I can handle it."