HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Paula Abdul's sometimes erratic behavior in recent years has led many to wonder whether she was using drugs. As it turns out, the "American Idol" judge was battling an addiction to painkillers.
"I could have killed myself," the 46-year-old Abdul tells Ladies' Home Journal. "Withdrawal – it's the worst thing."
After 12 years of taking the heavy-duty medication, Abdul says she finally hit rock bottom last Thanksgiving. In an effort to beat her reliance on the prescription medication, she checked herself into the La Costa Resort and Spa, in Carlsbad, Calif.
"I was freezing cold, then sweating hot, then chattering and in so much pain, it was excruciating," she explains. "But at my very core, I did not like existing the way I had been."
Abdul says her constant pain began when she suffered a back injury as a 17-year-old cheerleader. She would endure further pain as the years went by, most notably when a 1993 airplane crash left her partially paralyzed and required numerous spinal surgeries.
"I didn't want anyone to count me out," Abdul says of her desire to push on in the height of her career. I tried to keep everything hush-hush."
In 2005, Abdul was diagnosed with reflex sympathetic dystrophy syndrome, a chronic pain condition that develops from a previous injury. As a remedy, she wore a patch that delivered a powerful pain medication. She also took a nerve medication, resulting in a combination that she admits made her "get weird."
With her addiction building, Abdul would spiral further downhill in the 1990s, thanks to a pair of divorces and a music career that had stalled. But opportunity came knocking in 2002 when she landed next to her longtime "Idol" nemesis, Simon Cowell.
"From day one Simon and I have had a love-hate relationship," she says. "He's like the brother I never had, or wanted."
Thanks to a 15th surgery, Abdul says the pain has almost subsided and she feels 96 percent better. With her career back in high gear and a longtime addiction overcome, the "Straight Up" singer says her next move is to find love again.
"I'm working on finding that guy," she says. "I'm just like every other girl who wants to find a soul mate and live happily ever after."
- Comment
